Crash and Burn
by Kuroi Inanis
Summary: Touji is walking home from a late movie when he discovers the Class Rep lying in the rain, beaten and cold. He takes her home and takes care of her.


~Crash and Burn~  
A Songfic by Sara AKA Rei Langley Sohryu Ayanami   
  
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DISCLAIMER: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion, Gainax does. I don't own the  
song 'Crash and Burn'. Credit for that excellent piece of music goes to those  
hotties Savage Garden, which gave a kick-ass concert in Pueblo, Colorado,   
that I had the luck of being able to see. Don't sue me, you won't get much.  
  
DEDICATIONS: To all those who think Hikari and Touji are the cutest couple in  
all of Evangelion. Although I must admit, Asuka/Rei and Kaworu/Shinji are   
cute too!! *wink*  
  
NOTE: Anything in ** is Hikari's inner self talking to her. Anything in ' is  
thought, and anything in " is talking. Just assume that all of the talking,   
thinking, ect. is in Japanese. // signals song lyrics.   
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~Crash and Burn~  
**A Horaki Hikari and Suzuhara Touji songfic**  
  
//When you feel all alone//  
//And the world has turned its back on you//  
//Give me a moment, please//  
//To tame your wild wild heart.//  
  
The rain beat down hard upon the brown-haired girl as she ran through   
the rain, water streaking down the sides of her face. She ignored this action  
as her feet continued to carry her away from the pain, the anguish... the one   
who had betrayed the trust and love she had placed in him.  
"Why? Why do you do this? What would mother think of you, now nothing   
more than a worthless drunk who works by day and beats his children by night?"   
She whispered, forcing back another sob. No, crying was not for her, no matter   
how badly she hurt. Crying was for those at school, those who she was there   
for. That WAS why she had been given the status of class representative,   
after all. She couldn't be weak, not HER. Hikari continued to run for what  
she felt was miles, until finally her burning and trembling legs would take   
her no further, and she collapsed in a heap on the soft grass of a park.   
There she lay, letting the rain beat down on her bruised and bleeding back,   
her body shaking from the cold and the tears she was barely holding back.   
Hikari finally let them come, warm tracks of wetness slipping down her cheeks.  
She clenched her fists and dug her fingernails into her palms until they bled   
as she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to close out the world around her. Even   
though she didn't realize it, her body drew up and into a tiny ball,   
trembling from the mix of cold seeping into her body and the sobs pounding at   
her weakened emotions. She lay there and cried herself dry, until she just   
couldn't move anymore, it hurt too badly.   
"I'll just lay here and die..." she whispered softly. "No one will   
care. Not daddy, not Kodama or Nozomi, not any of the kids at school. Nobody  
gives a damn... and why should they? Why would ANYONE care about such a   
worthless person as me? It doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore.   
I'm alone either way." However, if Horaki Hikari were to know of what was   
about to take place, those heart-wrenching words would have never escaped her  
lips. For someone who she cared for very deeply was about to save her.   
  
//I know you feel like//  
//The walls are closing in on you//  
//It's hard to find relieve//   
//And people can be so cold.//  
  
Suzuhara Touji cursed the rain as he hurried on his way home from the   
movies. Himself and Kensuke had caught a late movie, some war flick that the   
battle-lover had enjoyed immensely. Touji couldn't have cared either way; his   
mind was on other things, mainly a certain pig-tailed class rep. Hikari was   
all he ever thought about anymore. Her eyes, her cute face, those pigtails...   
everything about her was perfect in every way. And yet she seemed so... cold.   
So shut away from others. However, there were those few precious moments when   
she smiled in pure joy, from the heart. Touji would have died for one of those  
looks.  
"But she could never have feelings for me... not some dumb jock who-   
hey, what the Hell is that?" Touji asked himself in mid-sentence as he   
noticed a motionless lump lying on the grass of the park. Whatever it was, it   
was shivering and coughing, and seemed to be getting sick. Immediately he ran   
over to the disheveled body and bent next to it. A moment later his blood ran   
cold.  
"Hikari..." The word escaped as a horrified whispered as he rolled   
her over and examined her barely clad and trembling form. She was dressed in   
a chinese night dress which barely covered her arms and legs (Remember the   
pajamas Hikari wears in tape 12? (ep. 23) That's what I am talking about.).   
Her skin was a deathly pale, and felt cold and clammy when he touched it.   
Her right eye was open and staring forward blankly, a sad expression on her   
face. Her left eye was black and swollen shut, and there were bruises all over  
her face and neck.  
"She's been beaten..." he whispered. Knowing he needed to get Hikari   
warm or she would die he removed his jacket and wrapped her body up in it,   
carefully lifting her into his arms. She stirred slightly and looked up at   
him.  
"Suzuhara-san?" she mumbled weakly. He nodded. "Leave me here to die...   
please...." Touji was stunned. Was he hearing right?   
"No way, Hikari. You need to get inside, you're freezing."  
"Leave me here. I'm not worth caring about... no one needs me. No one   
cares." Touji felt sick to his stomach. Was this Hikari talking? Was this the   
strong and confident class representative lying in his arms, a broken mass   
begging to be left for death. Without answering he shifted her so she lay   
leaned against his chest. He then begin the short walk back to his home.  
"Baka..." Hikari whispered weakly, although she made no move to get   
away from him.   
  
//Let me be the one you call//   
//If you jump I'll break your fall//   
//Lift you up and fly away with you into the night//  
//If you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart//   
//If you need to crash then crash and burn//   
//You're not alone//  
  
The moment Touji returned home he removed Hikari's wet clothing, his   
face red the entire time. Luckily he managed to get another shirt onto her   
before he saw anything embarrassing, although he was getting no reaction from   
Hikari either way. She lay limply on the couch, eyes staring up at the ceiling   
blankly. Once Touji was done re-dressing her in dry clothing he wrapped a   
blanket around her still shivering body. He stepped back to look at her,   
reaching a hand out to touch the side of her face. She flinched, something he   
hadn't expected, though this was the only response she gave. When he noted   
that the shivers were not depleting he quickly changed into dry clothing,   
then got under the blanket with her and pulled her into his arms. Still there   
was no acknowledgement of his existence.   
"Hikari? Hikari, are you alright?" Touji whispered softly, gently   
patting her cheek. Nothing. Worry overcame his face, but he decided that the   
most important thing right now was getting her warmed up.  
  
//When you feel all alone//  
//And a loyal friend is hard to find//  
//You're caught in a one way street//  
//With the monsters in your head//  
//When hopes and dreams are far away and//  
//You feel like you can't face they day//  
  
Hikari had drawn herself into a deep cotton shell. There was no pain,   
no fear, no sound- nothing. She was in a plastic bubble, which shut out all '  
feeling and emotion. Somewhere deep inside she knew where she was and why, as   
well as who was holding her to their chest, keeping her frozen body warm. And   
she knew that if she left the comfort and security of her bubble, she would   
have an emotional breakdown.  
'God, not in front of him. Please God, I don't want him to see all   
the ugliness inside. It's all right if everyone else on earth does, but   
please... not Touji. Not the one person I care about. I don't want to lose   
him, even if all I can have him as is a friend.'   
**He cares for you, you know.**   
'No, he doesn't. He CAN'T. No one can. No one can care about a   
worthless person such as me.'  
**He does. Open your heart, and you will see it is true.**  
'No. If I do that, he might hurt me. I can never open myself up to   
anyone, because all it will bring is pain to myself and to them. It is best   
this way.'  
**You are deceiving yourself, Hikari. If you open up, you will find   
something wonderful... you will find love.**  
'He can't love me. He can't!' Without realizing it she had allowed   
emotion to seep into her bubble. It began to crack, then shatter. She felt   
herself being pulled back into the real world, the world of pain and torment.  
'You tricked me!' she cried. 'You tricked me!' Hikari could almost   
mentally see the inner Hikari shake her head softly, a small smile on her   
face.  
**No... I set you free.**  
  
//Let me be the one you call//  
//If you jump I'll break your fall//  
//Lift you up and fly away with you into the night//  
//If you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart//  
//If you need to crash then crash and burn//  
//You're not alone//  
  
The sob that forced its way past her lips was the first sign to Touji   
that the girl in his arms, now warm and laying slumped against him, was   
coming back to the world. He looked down at Hikari, who seemed to shrink in   
on herself. She tucked her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms round   
her knees.  
"I won't, I won't, I won't cry." Her whispers made his heart ache.   
She was still trying to be strong, for him. Feeling himself trembling with   
emotion he hugged her to him as tight as he could and whispered into her ear;  
"Let it out, Hikari... just let it out." That did it. Hikari didn't   
know if it was his tender words, the disappearance of her bubble, or just   
everything in general, because all the pain suddenly came crashing down on   
her shoulders. She felt all the walls that she had worked so hard to build   
around herself crumble to dust in one moment of pure weakness. Her body   
collapsed against his chest, into his arms, as the sobs poured forth. Touji   
gathered her quaking form into his arms and held her tightly, pressing her   
face into his shirt tenderly. She clung to him like a terrified child,   
unwilling to let him go. If her lips could have formed words she would have   
begged him not to leave her, she needed him. For once, she just needed   
someone to be there for her, needed someone to be her strength. If he left   
she would fall, and never be able to get back up.   
  
//Because there has always been heartache and pain//  
//And when it's over you'll breathe again//  
//You'll breath again//  
  
She attempted to form words, but they came out in a long string of gasps and   
sobs, so she stopped trying and instead just lay in his arms, weeping bitterly.  
If it was possible, she was crying harder than she had been at the park. The   
whole time she lay there and just let the dam burst Touji sat with her,   
running a hand up and down the crest of her back and whispering soothing   
words into her hair. Finally she stopped, there was nothing left. All the   
anguish of 6 long years had come out, soaking Touji's shirt. Hikari sniffed,   
then reached a hand up to softly run her fingers over the dampened area,   
which smelled of pain, heartache, relief, and exhaustion all in the same   
moment. It smelled of all this and more, and it make the girl feel cold   
inside. Was this what she had been hiding from the world?   
  
//When you feel all alone//  
//And the world has turned its back on you//  
//Give me a moment please//  
//To tame your wild wild heart//  
  
"Suzuhara-san?" she whispered against his chest, softly. Touji looked   
down at her.  
"Hikari? Are you... alright now?"  
"Suzuhara-san... Touji, please... I don't want to go home now. I   
can't, he'll beat me for running in the first place. Please... can I stay   
here? With you?" Touji tightened the hold he had on her, nodding softly. She   
smiled weakly for the first time in hours.   
"Thank you, Touji. Thank you for caring."   
"I've always cared, Hikari... and I always will. I'm here for you, to   
catch you when you fall. You don't have to be alone anymore." Hikari smiled,   
and allowed the beating of his heart to lull her into sleep.   
  
//Let me be the one you call//  
//If you jump I'll break your fall//  
//Lift you up and fly away with you into the night//  
//If you need to fall apart//  
//I can mend a broken heart//  
//If you need to crash then crash and burn//  
//You're not alone//   
  
END   
  
Question, comments, flames, ect. go to rei_chan@evamail.i-p.com 


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